A Path of My Own

Since Google has not yet equipped it's search engine with the capacity to point me to my destiny and there is no idiots guide with rules that I should follow, I have to make a path for myself. There is no clear answer to the questions that I face in the darkest and loneliest corner all night interrogations from my future. It seems as though one day I awoke from a slumber of spelling bees, geography map tests, English essays, standardized tests, college applications and advisement conferences with esteemed professors. I have sat behind a desk my entire life and in less than a year, that will all change.

I have always had a strong relationship with family, professors, employers and peer, I can turn to none of them to find my path. Even the clarity that I once found in their counseling has been undermined by their unintentional bias. While their advice has proved invaluable in the past I am facing the challenge of having to create my own plan. While I have immeasurable respect for them, there is no law that says I must succeed the same way someone else did. I find myself hitting a brick wall of depression following paths that were never meant for me.

My plan is skeletal and is and definitely subject to change.

1. Reflect- As I sit here and ponder all the decisions I have already made that were not truly my own, I feel as though I have been robbed. My psyche has trained itself to self-impose the standards and expectations of others and this cannot be reversed over night. I also find that I have developed some resentment towards those expectations because they were not my own.

2. Release- Change can be terrifying; being alone can be intimidating, but the act of releasing anything that you've grown accustomed to having takes the more courage. Confidence is something that I struggle with. When a teacher asks a questions I am usually shooting my hand in the air with the correct answer looming between my ears. That confidence is artificial, it is not uniquely possessed by me. Everyone in the room that adequately prepared for class has that same confidence. How can I transform that confidence and make it my own? Releasing the group thinking that has boxed my in is step one.

4. Explore- Through child-like interaction I intend to experience the world that I have accepted in ignorance. I have a friend from California that has a boundless curiosity. She questions everything around her and treats every experience as though it were new. I plan to no longer dismiss the things I do not understand or accept the things prescribed to me. Sometimes the question is more important than the answer.

3. Pursue- One of my greatest fears  is failure. Ironically, this fear threatens my success. No one is can hide from failure and rise to their full potential simultaneously.


How long does it take to find your career? When I first met with my academic adviser at Florida A&M University, I was told most students enter college unsure but have it figured out by the time they leave. I may not fit into that statistic and I am content knowing that I have a plan.